Fan the Flame: Reflections from the Gym

Tears fill my eyes as I ride the elliptical machine in the twilight hours of the day. I just started reading Father Gregory Boyle‘s new book called The Whole Language: The Power of Extravagant Tenderness. In the introduction, he quotes a man he calls homie Sergio. Sergio astutely commented, "We need to fan the flame of tenderness in one another. Once we are reached by tenderness, we become tenderness." The words are balm I didn’t know my soul needed. 

We live in a world that doesn’t know what to do with tenderness. We often equate tenderness with weakness. This resistance to tenderness is made even more complex and terrifying when trauma and abuse are involved. Indeed, some of us have been wounded so badly that we develop impenetrable shells out of protection. We fear that if we expose our tenderness, we may be hurt again. It’s far safer to not let anybody in. 

While there certainly are seasons and relationships where we need this shell, we cannot live disconnected from ALL relationships. In fact, another way to see trauma is a chronic disruption of connectedness. We cannot heal if we do not allow ourselves safe places where we can pursue tender intimacy. Our healing is intertwined. This pursuit takes courage and tenacity, but there is no other way.

One of my favorite stories in scripture is in John 11. Here, Jesus’ good friend Lazarus has passed away. The death of Lazarus causes his sister to be irate. They tell Jesus, “If you had been here, he would not have died!” Jesus did not rebuke them for their lack of faith. Jesus did not offer one of those empty platitudes so many Christians offer a person who has just lost a loved one, “He’s in a better place.” Rather, Jesus met them in their pain, and he began to weep. Jesus, son of God, through whom all things were made, wept with his best friends. His tenderness met their tenderness in a cascade of intimate love. We are called to go and do likewise, for our healing, and for the healing of those around us. 

I think I’ll skip the bench today. I’ve spent an hour praying, listening, and trying to type on my phone while I balance on this awkward cardio contraption! I must now go to work. As I work today, I will savor the blessed tears the Spirit gave me today. 

Lord, help me remember these tears.